Cheating, the only feeling that comes to me is...ANGER! I think the reason I only have that emotion for that verb is not only because I have been on the receiving end of the ugly situation, but I also just don't understand it. Really it makes no sense to me all the work someone has to put in to keep up with all the different areas of this subject. The lying, secrecy, guilt...the double life. Now I get that everyone's relationship isn't always where they feel it should or thought it would be. What I don't understand is how people skip the communicating part and head start to putting on their hunting gear to go back out on the prowl.
Now before I go into depth about anything I do have to put something out there. I do not recognize cheating ONLY in the physical or sexual form. I think a lot of people overlook another form of "cheating" and it's emotional. Yes, it's consider cheating when you are talking to a member of the opposite sex about the things that you should be talking to your significant other about and your not or you would rather told to the other person about it. Why is this considered cheating? The reason is because you are investing yourself emotional in the other person whether you want to admit it or not. I think when people are in denial about something like this the best question to ask yourself is "If I found out, on my own, that my significant other is doing the same thing I am would I be upset?" That usually brings to light that the situation is WRONG!
I guess I get so frustrated because I don't understand how the person cheating could be so selfish, especially if they are married and have kids involved. Seriously marriage/relationships are not lollipops, sex, and smiles all the time for anyone. It takes work, communication, trust and honesty from both parties. I do think there are people that rush into marriage or people that just are better off single, but seriously why can't they be adults and let the other person know before they decide to attend to other "business". Instead they stay in the relationship and start another serious or casual relationship dragging another person in the mess and try to act like life is normal. I wish cheaters would realize how much they can damage a person when they come to find out what's going on, plus no one wants to be hated but I think I could sleep better at night knowing I ended the relationship as a decent person.
Before my husband and I got married, we were recommended to try out pre-marital counseling, which we took but we were also told what I think was a great tid-bit. We were told marriage takes work and there are going to be hard times but please remember this, many people cheat and/or get divorced and they enter into another relationship and realize that they usual have the same issues with the second person as they did with the first. Instead of going through the long unnecessary drama they could have probably solved the issue the first time around if they just had communicated. (There are exceptions to this such as abuse)
I could go on and on about this but I won't. Basically I think cheating is unnecessary no matter what the circumstances are that's the bottom line. Either you try everything you possible can to fix what's making you unhappy and if it's a no go then the relationship needs to be ended for the sake of everyone involved. Now I am not all for divorce but if I had to choose between that and adultery, I pick divorce.
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”
Sam Keen
